Earlier today, I was scrolling social media when I came across a post from Kadie Daye about spam calls. It was one of those simple observations that instantly connected because every person reading it knew exactly what she was talking about.
Within seconds, I found myself looking at my own call log.
Three spam calls before lunch.
Two more while I was writing this story.
One voicemail from someone who sounded extremely concerned about a vehicle warranty on a car I have never owned.
And suddenly it hit me.
Radio stations spend thousands of dollars trying to create relatable content when perhaps the most relatable content in America is already calling us every single day.
Seriously.
What other experience is shared by virtually every listener?
Everybody gets spam calls.
Teenagers get them.
Grandparents get them.
Doctors get them.
Pastors get them.
Program directors get them.
Even the people making the spam calls probably get spam calls.
It’s become America’s most successful radio network.
No transmitters.
No ratings.
No consultants.
No air talent contracts.
Yet somehow they’re reaching everyone.
Every day.
Multiple times.
At this point, I have developed relationships with some of mine.
There is a gentleman from “Potential Spam” who has been checking on me for nearly two years.
We’re not friends yet, but we’re getting there.
Naturally, my radio brain immediately started imagining promotions.
For example:
THE SPAMMY AWARDS
Listeners submit their most ridiculous spam voicemail each week.
Categories include:
Best Fake Government Agency.
Most Aggressive Extended Warranty.
Most Creative Use of Fear.
Best Performance By A Robot Pretending To Be Human.
At the end of the year, stations hold a nationally televised awards ceremony.
The winner receives absolutely nothing.
Just like the scammers intended.
Or how about:
WHO CALLED ME?
Every morning, listeners try to guess why a spam caller is contacting the host.
Wrong answers only.
“Steve, I think they’re calling because you’ve been selected to become King of Luxembourg.”
“Steve, that’s clearly NASA. They need help restarting the moon.”
“Steve, congratulations. You’ve inherited a chain of convenience stores in Nebraska.”
The possibilities are endless.
Then I came up with my personal favorite.
SPAM OR EX?
The station plays an audio clip.
Contestants must determine whether the voicemail came from a scammer or a former romantic partner.
Frankly, some of the messages are becoming impossible to distinguish.
Then there’s the feature I truly believe could become legendary.
THE NATIONAL SPAM CALL OF THE WEEK.
Listeners submit recordings.
A panel of judges evaluates them based on creativity, absurdity, and complete detachment from reality.
One week, a caller claims your Amazon account has been suspended.
The next week, a caller insists federal agents are moments away unless you purchase gift cards.
Then someone announces you’ve inherited eight million dollars from a distant relative you’ve never met.
And somehow that one only finishes third.
The grand prize winner gets enshrined in the Radio Hall of Spam.
A place that doesn’t exist.
Yet.
The deeper I thought about it, the more I realized there may actually be something here.
The greatest radio has always reflected real life.
The shared experiences.
The common frustrations.
The things that make listeners laugh because they’re living through the exact same thing.
Traffic.
Weather.
Kids.
Work.
Technology.
And now?
Spam calls.
They’re annoying.
They’re ridiculous.
They’re relentless.
But they might also be one of the few things that unite nearly every American.
So thank you, Kadie Daye.
Your post sent me down a rabbit hole that consumed far more of my afternoon than I care to admit.
And if a radio station launches one of these promotions six months from now, I fully expect credit.
Or at the very least, a complimentary extended warranty on a vehicle I don’t own.
Which, according to my voicemail, expires tomorrow.
For the fourth time this week.
On The Dial covers breaking radio industry news, including layoffs, programming changes, talent moves, and broadcast trends across the United States.